By Ben Quine
**This article is part of a series written by Ben Quine that takes us through the whole of Scripture to discover what God has to say about how we as believers in Jesus Christ should conduct ourselves both inside the church and outside in our public and private lives. You will discover that the Word of God has much to say about our conduct.

In the opening scene of the film Fiddler on the Roof, the endearing Tevye tells the audience, “Here in Anatevka, we have traditions for everything: how to sleep, how to eat, how to work… how to wear clothes. For instance, we always keep our heads covered, and always wear little prayer shawls. This shows our constant devotion to God. You may ask, how did this tradition get started? I'll tell you… I don't know. But it's a tradition. And because of our traditions, every one of us knows who he is and what God expects him to do.”

In Christ Jesus’ day, the Pharisees (the religious leaders of God’s people) observed extensive traditions; they created long lists of dos and don’ts. They had a rule for everything. But because their arbitrary rules were often actually opposed to God’s original instructions, Jesus condemned these leaders harshly (Mark 7:9).

How are we supposed to conduct ourselves, as believers? Should we follow tradition? Should we follow rules for character and etiquette?

But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And [Jesus] said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:34-40)

Christ taught that the two most important commandments in Scripture are to love God and to love our neighbor. In truly loving our neighbor, we must treat them well. As Paul taught, “Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.” (Romans 13:10) If we harm our neighbor – for example, by taking their private property, showing partiality, or denying someone a fair trial – this is not love.

All of the other commands in Scripture fit under these two commands, because all the biblical commands and principles honor God and seek the best for our neighbors. 

The following is a short list of a few of the ways we are to act, as a demonstration of love towards our neighbors:

You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the Lord. (Leviticus 19:32)

• God wants us to honor and protect life, and to show respect to others — especially our parents and our elders.

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another… Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. (Ephesians 4:25, 29)

• God expects His children to act with honesty in all things, and to be people of integrity who are dependable and trustworthy.

The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. (2 Corinthians 9:6-7)

• God instructs us to give generously and personally care for those around us.

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled… Jesus wept… Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. (John 11:33, 35, 38)

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. (Romans 12:9)

• This passage from John 11 shows that Jesus was angry at the suffering, destruction, and death that sin had brought into his creation. Similarly, we are to abhor evil and oppose sin, in love.

But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. (Ephesians 5:3)

• God calls us all to sexual purity.

The greatest among you shall be your servant. (Matthew 23:11)

• We are not to live for ourselves, but we are to serve others.

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? (Micah 6:8)

• Those who have been spiritually resurrected are commanded to act justly, to seek justice for all, and to show no partiality.

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. (Colossians 3:15)

• As God’s children, we are instructed not to worry, but to be thankful.

This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.  (Joshua 1:8)

• Christians are to be focused on God’s Word, eschewing the distractions of the world.

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men. (Colossians 3:23)

• We are to work hard with a good attitude.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)

• As followers of Jesus, we are commanded to show kindness and forgiveness to each other.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)

• And we are to be strong, bold, and courageous.

God’s Word is revolutionary, because it claims complete control over all outside behavior and inside behavior. Christianity is uniquely revolutionary because it does not attempt to overthrow governments, but rather to change culture from the inside-out, one life at a time, the same way God does. This is why the Ephesians rioted in Acts 19; why the Romans persecuted the Early Christians; and why every tyrannical State since has persecuted believers.

What about other etiquette issues? For instance, how often are we supposed to take a bath? (Believe it or not, this is covered quite extensively in Leviticus chapters 11-17!) Some of the specific Old Testament instructions no longer apply to us today, but the principles remain the same: when you get dirty, you need a bath! But don’t forget John 13:10 – if you’ve had a bath, you’re clean. 

Western culture has replaced virtue with manners, and godly character with a shallow politeness, or “being nice.” We have removed God and His Word from general society, and therefore have no basis for true morality. Truth, morality, and character have all been reduced to individual preference.

This, coupled with an incorrect view of love and an incomplete view of God’s character (a view which obscures His justice, holiness, wrath towards sin, and discipline of His children), has truly damaged the salt and light effectiveness of many believers (Matthew 5:13-16). 

Woe to you, when all people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets. (Luke 6:26)

What happens when a church or an individual believer orients their life and teaching so that being attractive, pleasing others, or being unoffensive become the higher priority?

Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. (Matthew 6:1)

God hates politeness that is only on the surface. He hates a false show. The Bible doesn’t teach etiquette — it teaches character. Etiquette is on the surface; character is deep. God doesn’t like surface politeness any more than He likes surface obedience. God doesn’t really care which fork you use at dinner. He cares about much more important things. If your character reflects God’s values of purity, respect, charity, hospitality, care for others, and wise speech, you will be a true lady or gentleman. Of course, it is fine to learn “the proper ways” to use food utensils, but we must understand that these concerns are secondary.

People who get upset about “proper etiquette” but aren’t concerned with proper character are like the Pharisees who tithed their mint and dill, but left out the more important matters of the law (Matthew 23:23). 

It is important to face head-on the fact that this is an overwhelming list of character requirements, and that godly virtue is not something we can achieve on our own! These characteristics are not attainable by any personal effort or willpower — only God can live this way. Holiness is a description of His character, and it can only truly be seen in our lives as we submit our will to His Spirit, allowing Him to produce His fruit in us!

“He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.” (I Thessalonians 5:24)

God is ready and waiting to accomplish the miracle of righteousness in you. Ask Him right now to do His sanctifying work in your heart (Philippians 2:13). Start every day by asking Him to fill you, direct you, and create His character in you: 

“Good morning, Lord. I need you today! Take my life and let it be consecrated to you. Transform me from the inside-out; without you I can do nothing, so I need you to create your fruit in my life. Please help me to rely on you every minute of the day, and make me the person you want me to be!” 

Continue to ask this throughout the day, submitting every need and every situation to Him (Nehemiah 2:4, I Thessalonians 5:17). The faithful, bold, obedience we saw in Hebrews Chapter 11 can only come from God’s own power expressing itself through our lives. 

The bottom line is this: God wants each of His children to live a life which is free from sin, which honors Him, and which reflects His character.

Humans are incapable of achieving that quality of life on their own strength. But God has promised to indwell every child that He redeems through the person of the Holy Spirit, and to miraculously produce the kind of fruit which brings Himself great glory, if we submit our lives to Him.

All we need to do is ask, and then obediently let Him do it.